Single in the City: Prioritize yourself– not excuses

By Ericka Alston Buck
Special to the AFRO

Have you ever found yourself waiting around for someone who constantly claims they are “too busy” to spend time with you? If I had a dollar for every time I heard that line, I’d be lounging on a tropical beach right now. Let’s cut through the noise and get real: people make time for what they truly want and make excuses for what they don’t. If they’re not prioritizing you, it’s time to stop making excuses! 

Let’s dive into why we should never settle for being anyone’s option when we deserve to be a priority.

As a single Black woman on the journey to find “her person,” I’ve heard it all. The “I’m swamped with work” line, the “I’m dealing with a lot right now” spiel, and my personal favorite, “I just need some space.” 

Enough is enough. We deserve to be treated as a priority–not an option. So, let’s talk about recognizing when a potential partner is making excuses and how to respond.

Recognizing the excuses

1. “I’m Too Busy”

If you’re interested in someone who is always too busy to call, text, or spend time with you– just face it– they are just not that into you. People who are interested will find a way to connect, even if it’s a quick message during a busy day.

2. “I’m Not Ready for a Relationship”

If a potential partner tells you this after you’ve been seeing each other for a while, believe them. They are not ready for a relationship with you. Don’t waste your time waiting around for them to change their mind. They won’t.  And please, let’s refrain from being friends with benefits. Have an all or nothing mentality or you’ll always be last on the list. 

3. “I’m Going Through Something Right Now” 

Life happens, and everyone has their struggles. However, if your potential significant other is using this as a constant excuse to keep you at arm’s length, they’re not serious about you. Give them all the space they need to go through that “something”–alone. 

How to respond

1. Call it out: Don’t be afraid to address the excuses directly. Say something like, “I’ve noticed you’re often too busy to make plans. Are you really interested in pursuing something with me?”

2. Set boundaries: Let them know what you expect in a relationship. If they are not meeting those expectations, it’s time to reassess. For example, “I need to be with someone who makes time for me, even when life gets hectic.”

3. Don’t settle for less: If they are not treating you the way you deserve, walk away. There’s no reason to stay in a relationship where you’re not valued. Someone out there will see your worth and treat you like the royalty you are.

 Prioritize yourself

1. Self-love: Focus on loving yourself first. When you know your worth, you’ll be less likely to tolerate being treated as an option. Engage in activities that make you happy and fulfilled, whether it’s pursuing a hobby, spending time with friends or advancing your career.

2. Communicate your needs: Be upfront about what you want and need from a relationship. Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure you’re both on the same page.

3. Keep your options open: Until a person steps up and shows you that they are serious, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Date other people, enjoy different experiences, and see what else is out there.  Date ‘em ALL! 

 Remember, you are a priority

Ladies and gents, always remember that you are a priority, and you deserve to be treated as such. If someone isn’t making time for you, they are making room for someone else. Keep your standards high and don’t settle for less than you deserve. 

As someone still navigating the single life and looking for “the one,” I’ve learned that the right person will make you feel valued and important. They’ll make time, not excuses. And until that person comes along, let’s keep our heads high and our hearts open, knowing that we are worth every bit of effort.

So, no more excuses. Let’s demand the love and respect we deserve. If they can’t see that, someone else surely will.

Stay fabulous! Stay strong! And keep believing in the amazing love story that awaits you while you’re single in the city!