Spending your life giving it away to others?I hope you dance before your time is up

I hope you still feel small you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance (dance) I hope you dance (dance)

“I Hope You Dance”by Songwriters Mark David Sanders, Tia M. Sillers. Original by Lee Ann Womack Covered in movie by Gladys Knight Selfish or selfless. Which are you?

Two women in Tyler Perry’s movie, The Family That Preys, were stark examples of serving their families and others to a fault. They overlooked themselves.

Alfre Woodard, one of my favorite actresses, played the character Alice Evans who runs a modest diner in the movie. Kathy Bates, an equally talented thespian, plays wealthy socialite and corporate executive Charlotte Cartwright — best friend of Woodard’s character Alice in an odd but genuine, long-term misfit friendship.

Subtle messages about life and how to live it are plentiful in the movie’s plot. In various settings, the two friends state lines that include:

“Life is short, Girl. Life is passing you by.”

“(Seems like) you’ve spent your entire life running this diner.”

“Are you living or are you existing?”

“Letting go brings peace of mind.”

“Enjoy life while you can.”

On a road trip, one friend remarks, “Seems like we’ve got enough pictures to remember a lifetime.” The other friend responds, “I hope so.”

While discussing the possibility of being an outstanding person versus a regular Joe, Alfre’s character states matter-of-factly, “I’ve been regular all my life.”

Alfre’s character gives this advice to another character: “You cannot live your life on hurts from the past.”

But this message resonated most with me: Save some of yourself for yourself; do not give all of you away to others.

Thus, the movie’s powerful ending song — I Hope You Dance, a Lee Ann Womack original, covered in the movie by the matchless songstress Gladys Knight – spoke volumes.

If you are selfish, you do not think so much about what others are feeling, thinking, or experiencing. If you are selfless, you mainly think about the feelings and comfort of others. You put your own comfort and feelings on the back burner or do not allow them in the room at all.

I was just thinking… I wager that each of you can think of someone you know who is selfless – who always is serving others and neglecting their own self-care.

In that classic advice example, when on an airplane in peril, they put the air mask on their child first out of motherly concern. They react without thinking first of the standard instructions that direct the parent to put the mask on their own face first. That way, the parent survives and remains in control and is able to care for the child throughout the peril. The lesson is that If the mother becomes disabled, there is no one available to care for the child.

Mother Teresa (1910-1997) is a classic example of a selfless caregiver. The late, revered Catholic nun, saint, and Nobel Peace prize winner could lead the pack among selfless do-gooders – no shade intended.

Other individuals come to mind. These include former President Jimmy Carter; nurses who cared for COVID-19 patients during the pandemic; and philanthropist and novelist MacKenzie Scott.

Scott co-founded Amazon with her former husband Jeff Bezos and is declared the world’s third wealthiest woman. She pledged to give at least half of her wealth to charities.

As of 2022, she had donated more than $14 billion to operations that included non-profits, HBCUs, and groups that address LGBTQ+, racial, gender and underserved populations issues.

I am confident that you, the readers, also can add to this list the names of some of your former teachers, coaches, scout leaders, and relatives including Grandma and Grandpa.

Back to Perry’s movie The Family That Preys. In it, the self-care theme is strong.

And not to give away the plot — in case you have not seen the movie — there is a powerful scene at the end.

Alfre Woodard’s character is reviewing the ups and downs of the lives of her and her mis-matched friend. Alfre declares to a group of acquaintances:

”I have spent my entire life giving it away.” She says as she stares off into the distance. “I think I will keep the rest of it for me.”

Then she utters, in an almost unheard hum, the words to the songwriters’ ballad,

“And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. …I hope you dance.”

Norma Adams-Wade, is a proud Dallas native, University of Texas at Austin journalism graduate and retired Dallas Morning News senior staff writer. She is a founder of the National Association of Black Journalists. norma_adams_wade@yahoo.com.