QUIT PLAYIN: That Last Eight Minutes!

By Vincent L. Hall

“You never picked any cotton, and I never owned any slaves, so cut the nonsense!”

North Carolina Gubernatorial candidate Mark Robinson.

I watch one motivational video bi-weekly. Don’t judge me, but my DVR has the last-minute eight minutes of Django Unchained. It makes me hopeful, but not for the reasons you might think.

After watching a few clips of North Carolina’s Gubernatorial candidate, Mark (Keith) Robinson, I use it as a daily devotional. This house negro, Step n’ Fetchit, oversized pickaninny, sends me into cultural convulsions.

Let me explain how Django plays into this whole thing.

The last eight minutes of my all-time favorite flick begin with Stephen escorting his White comrades back to the big house. “Uncle Stepen” serenades them with “In the Sweet by and By.” This 1836 hymn, penned by Sanford Fillmore Bennett, offers a first stanza that justifies the song being picked for this final scene.

“There’s a land that is fairer than day, And by faith we can see it afar, For the Father waits over the way To prepare us a dwelling place there.”

Stephen and his entourage were heading toward their final dwelling place, unbeknownst to any of them. If you have yet to see the last eight minutes, do so. But let me tell you why it was important to me. First, I was glad that Django got revenge on Billy Crash, who just three days later had his hands on Django’s gonads, fully intending to remove them. But now, he lay squirming on the floor with gunshot wounds. “I’m gonna kill you Da-Jan- go!” Django shot back. “The D is silent, hillbilly,” as he squeezes off the kill shot.

Next, he relayed a message to the “mistress of the house” through the two black maids. “Tell Miss Lara goodbye.” “Huh,” they replied in perfect synchronization. “I said tell Miss Laura goodbye!”

Miss Laura had committed no acts commensurate with Billy or the other men on the Candie Land Plantation. Her genteel, passive resistance to the racism that doomed slaves owned by her family must have been a source of angst for Django. Donned in a striking western-style burgundy suit and hat, he dispatched a single shot that sent her flying around the corner to her death.

All of that was expected based on how the movie had been advertised. The movie’s trailer featured a slave having the joy and privilege of being paid to kill slave masters and their accomplices. But the best part was on the way. It will illuminate for most of you why MAGA candidate Mark Robinson invokes memories of Django.

Finally, Django came face to face with the greatest threat to the freedom of the Colored/ Negro/Afro-American people since 1619. Stephen was a model house Negro, fully committed and dedicated to the demise of his people. A turncoat who spares no evil or self-respect to please his White master.

As Django sets to end the epilogue, his first encounter with Stephen must have come to mind. “Who’s that Nigga on that Nag?”, Stephen belted out. An obvious inference that horses were too good for black slaves. But now it was time for Django to ask some questions and make some statements.

Stephen discards his cane, stands straight up, glares at Django, and shouts, “I count six shots.” Django unholsters another six-shooter and re- torts, “I count two guns Nigga!” Django’s dialogue from that point on is reflective and prophetic. After he fells Stephen by shooting him in both kneecaps, Django says his final goodbyes, and lights the fuse to six strategically placed sticks of dynamite.

Candie Land is demolished. We never see the mood of those left on the plantation, but Django and his defiance undoubtedly multiplied their chances for freedom.

Obviously, Django is a movie character and not available for hire. Further, we wish no physical harm or danger on anybody. But if we don’t stop this MAGA Negro-in-Chief, Mark Robinson, he might try to resurrect Candie Land in North Carolina.

If Robinson wins, we may all need eight minutes every hour of the day.

A long-time Texas Metro News columnist, Dallas native Vincent L. Hall is an author, writer, award-winning writer, and a lifelong Drapetomaniac.