MY TRUTH: I’m not ego-tripping

By Cheryl Smith

Yes, I shedded tears.

It’s not like I had any control, because I didn’t.

Actually I was out of control as I remembered a time in my life when it was so easy to take the wrong turn.

Books were my salvation and libraries were my sanctuary.

Back in the 1970s, I was a teenager who loved to read. When I entered East Orange High School, I used to work in the library; always checking out books to read in the comfort of my bedroom.

The books weren’t too di- verse so I became fond of escapism in the likes of Nancy Drew mysteries, and other books of that ilk. None of those books had anywhere near the impact that reading the likes of Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, Ice-berg Slim or Toni Cade Bambara had.

I was somewhat troubled, trying to understand this ball of confusion we lived in. I had lived through the Newark Riots and the shutdown of the school system where I found high school students manning our classrooms.

I still remember spending days dancing to the Temptations while learning the latest moves, doing absolutely nothing that would prepare me for college and a thriving career.

I didn’t know what was in store for me. Couldn’t think of any areas I had back then.
So I sought solace in books, and Essence Magazine where I was sure to read from bold, creative, authentic Black women.

Nikki spoke to my insecurities, and inhibitions while opening up another world for me that dared me to dream and have aspirations.

She was fearless, fortuitous, and free.

I picked up my pen and started writing and I haven’t stopped. My love for writing grew and I still have pieces packed away where I closed my eyes and let my fingers do the walking, creating pieces that, unlike Nikki, I wasn’t bold enough to share with the world.

I remember an editor asking me to write about the Black Man. When I opened my eyes and read what I wrote, I was flab-bergasted! It seemed like I bared my soul and was stripped of my clothes as I shared what I considered to be the Black man in all his beauty and glory.

Unlike Nikki, however; I did a quick edit. I didn’t want the world to see that side of me. It was too much!

And when I went off to Florida A&M University, I remember taking to the stage to recite “Ego-Tripping.”

Now that poem has to be one of the most prolific and empowering pieces I have ever read.

Then Nikki came to Tallahassee, and I heard her speak. I still blush as I remember her saying that making love was a nice way to say hello! To me, she was the epitome of self-actualization. She had this thing called life figured out and she lived her life the way she wanted to, unapologetic and enjoying the ride.

I adored my sorority sister. Yes, she was a proud member, honorary, but still the same, my sister.

It was an absolute joy to run into her at Delta Sigma Theta Sorority conventions and when she let me interview her for my show on KKDA-AM; well I was so thrilled.

The last time I was scheduled to interview her before an appearance she was making at the African American Museum’s Annual Tulisoma Book Fair, I anxiously awaited her call.

As we greeted one another, she informed me that she had just gotten word that her sister, also our sorority sister, had transitioned.

Immediately I wanted to cancel the interview and she wanted to honor her commitment. That was the type of sister she was.

I totally understood my fellow Gemini so I eventually convinced her that it was okay to cancel. And then, lo and behold, I found myself consoling her!

Here was Cheryl Smith, comforting the woman who played a pivotal role in helping me move from a girl to a woman. There were many days and nights I looked to her for comfort and her words provided that and more. That day I believed my words, as well as the time I just let her talk was giving me an opportunity to return the love. Could I be dreaming?

Upon hearing of her transi- tion and as I relived what Nikki meant to me, I talked to so many other women who shared a love for her. I smiled because her leg- acy will live on forever because of the life she lived and poured into others.

More than anything, I think, I am so glad I had the chance to tell her I loved her!
What a woman. What a legacy