MY TRUTH: Dear…

By Cheryl Smith

Mean well, but the less you say, is usually the better for all.

Now I know some people are going to say I don’t know what I am talking about and others will say, to each his or her own.

To anyone on this topic, I open the pages of this publication for you to express your truth.

This is my experience for those who are grieving and those who want to comfort them.

Sometimes there are no words.

Which brings me to my truth.

This December marks two decades since we celebrated the life of my father, Joseph Smith. It also happens to be a time when I have had several friends find themselves in the same position.

I had no words because, with Joe Smith, I didn’t want to hear any words. I wanted to process this experience to make it make sense to me.

Still I listened respectfully as people said:

“This too shall pass.” “He’s in a better place.”

“Just let the tears flow and you’ll be okay.”

“It’s God’s will.” I can tell you that I had so many comebacks for those comments, but I tried to remain respectful. I needed to also take into consideration that some people feel awkward and don’t have a clue what to say; so they repeat what they’ve heard others say.

This is a perfect time to express concern, love, sympathy, support, or prayers.

Just the other day, I told a sorority sister she has been in my prayers, and she thanked me and began sharing her feelings, as well as comments others have made to her.

When I told her it had been 20 years since I first had that experience, she asked how I was doing.

I candidly told her that for me, “it” has not passed, the people who talk about a “better place” have never been there, and I still have not shed “the tears.”

As far as God’s will, well those who expressed this to me were not God, in my opinion.

So, as I continue to live and grow and learn; I have to ask everyone to practice temperance and not just in instances when someone is grieving.

We are not a kinder and gentler world and in fact, we are meaner and meaner.

Just look at social media.

If anyone wants a resolution for 2024, maybe start with one involving your tongue.