Dealing with divorce, disappointment and trauma during the ‘most wonderful time of the year’

by Special to the AFRO
By Nijiama Smalls,
The Black Girl’s Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds

I’m so excited that the holidays are finally here! I adore this time of the year. For many of us, however, the holidays can bring various emotions during this season.

Many will tell you not to be sad during the holidays. I’m here to tell you that is incorrect!

If you have suffered death, divorce, or any other trauma, the holidays may bring those emotions to the surface– and it’s perfectly okay.

For me, every major holiday is a reminder that my cousin, who left this earth way too suddenly, is not here to enjoy it with me; that she will never meet my children, and I will never hear her laugh again. It hurts. I’m still grieving and I’ve learned to make space for the grief.

I’ve also learned it’s actually very healthy to experience these emotions because we are dealing with them and healing. We certainly do not want the sadness to cripple us but we should honor our emotions and allow them to flow when necessary.

We harm ourselves when we keep our emotions bottled up. This causes us to lash out or explode at minor things (sadly, I’ve done this before and it was not a pretty picture). It may also cause us to become so engulfed in emotions that we cry very easily at the slightest annoyance. Crying is our body’s way of telling us that we need to heal. Honor your emotions, feel your feelings, and heal.

A few steps to begin the healing process:

1. Visit a therapist
2. Journal your feelings and spend time in prayer
3. Learn to embrace acceptance to help you cope with the pain that has occurred

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